these salmon bot things are the most annoying thing ever, btw.

I am happy. I have a new room. it is a nice room, with a nice roommate. my keyboard keys are too loud...I dont care.
maybe I just hit them too hard.
school is fun. my classes are fun. work isnt bad. my friends are nice. my boyfriend is good to me. I love him a lot. I miss my family.
I love the city. I am excited and am having good days. I am looking forward to tomorrow, next month, next year. I am glad to be alive, I am happy to wake up everyday and enjoy the hours I am awake and the hours I am asleep. I am in love with a great guy and have the best friends here. I am in the middle of it all and having wonderful experiences. I am learning so much about myself. Mostly I have accepted almost everything that has gotten me here.

The good times, the bad times. The people that supported me, and those who tried to bring me down. I have a couple friends I wish I stayed in touch with better. I have a couple more I wish I still spoke with at all...I am a little sad that our friendships turned out the way they did and it is odd for me to realize that they were once such a part of my life and no longer are. There are a few more I pity, despite the roles they may have played in my life...there are a few whose lives are such lies it is incredible. I may not have it all together but at least I can sleep and wake everyday knowing with certainty that my closest relationships are not based on delusion....which is far more than some people I have known will ever be able to grasp. The sheer fact that I will not have to live the rest of my with an entirely warped perception of reality and my relations with others is so...exceedingly comforting. God, if she only knew the things his mother said about her when they started dating...
That being said, I dont ever want to mention those last group of people ever here. it is not worth it to waste my energy. I have friends here and home that care about me. I am lucky to have them and I miss my (true) friends from home terribly and wish I had more time to keep in touch.

whatever, enough of a rant for tonight..theres work to be done.

ps- what is with these fucking weird livejournal robots who im you as soon as you update your journal...i tried to read about it but it still makes no sense to me at all?

he gives me everything you hid from me. 

just when I was finally feeling better.

I'm so sick of feeling shitty. physically. and I am so sick of feeling shitty (mentally) over the fact that I feel shitty (physically). I want to go home. I don't know when my body turned to glass. I am so tired of worrying about everything. I need a break. I just want to have fun again...no, thats wrong. I've had plenty of fun this semester....but none of it was without pain. When did my body get this fucked up?

what about livejournal?

I want it to be thursday. I havent seen john in almost 3 weeks and its the longest yet this semester. Its terrible and hard and I can hardly deal. sad but whatever. the way I see it, we've done our time. we've done the distance. we've spent 3 weeks, a month, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 8 months away from each other...can we just live together and be a normal couple that can do things without always planning them in advance? anyway

we are going to kings of leon thursday night when he gets here
and harvest ball on a cruise ship on boston harbor on friday. I'm feeling sick again which blows because I was JUST sick. and am always sick. and would like to just have a good, worry free weekend for once.not to mention its way too fucking expensive of a weekend (kings tickets @ 50 a piece and harvest ball @ 35 a piece) to feel shitty/not be able to go. please send some positive energy my way. i think I sort of deserve a nice weekend.  goddddd. okay. its almost wednesday. sort of. just breathheeeee. thursday at 4:30. thursday at 4:30. thursday at 4:30. he's getting the biggest hugs and kisses ever.

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha,


hahahahahahhaha,



so funny. so many more important fucking things in the world. honestly. what a sham. too bad Im relieved. all the best. and I mean that honestly. good luck.

my second grader, Valerie started her story today so far it reads:

I Wish I Had a Puppy
By: Valerie F.

I wish I had a puppy. I wish I had a puppy because they're playful, cute and soft. They're also awesome and cool. They're friendly, they are gentle and fluffy. Also, they are so cute when they are so so tiny. If I had a puppy, I would take care of it because it is still a baby. So I would feed her, pet her, walk her, play with her, exercise and go on runs with her. I would sleep with her and cuddle her. If I ever get a puppy I will be so excited and happy and jump up and down.

that inhales and exhales can crush us like bugs until our brains spin, gliding, on tracks in their cages.

I want to live in a perpetual summer.

1) my aggravation with trillian. yes this great instant messaging service which once was so dependable is failing me. fickle internet connections...'partially connected' messages, deleting my buddy list once every couple weeks...sending mass instant messages to people inviting them to "auto chats"
what.the.hell.

2)'because of the times' is probably the best rock album i have heard in a very long time.

THE HAPPY PHANTOM HAS NO RIGHT TO BITCH.

so easily....

longest day everrr! but oh well. my journalism final is done. today I finished my energy final. i cut my finger on a rusty razor blade in the process, but oh well! Our ap eco project is done, and we didn't do too bad if I do say so myself. now I'm going to see history boys at the spectrum...and I finally have a cell phone again! I'm not so out of the loop anymore. tomorrow is the play and partayy at meghans...and a full day with a quiet house to study for midterms. all these things make me happy as do the simple things in life..like grey's anatomy actually being on for 2 weeks in a row, and recieving silly voicemails and facebook messages sent at ungodly hours of the night. haha.

on the other hand...Im super bummed I didnt see anna before she left??! anna, tyler said you called me but I never got it..i called your phone like 3 times and it went straight to voicemail and was once randomly busy?? I dont even know. booo hoooo. super lame. come home!!!

fuck al gore and his global warming. his truth is really inconvienient for me. I want a goddamn snow..or ice...day tomorrow, and it's not gonna happen because water doesn't GENERALLY freeze when it's 45 degrees outside. fuck. booo hooo.

t minus 2 college applications. I need to get on that shit. i am a lazy jerk with a disgustingly overdue energy project, a nearly failing math grade, and a disdain for all things french. and I just don't give a shit. I'll just read...alllll dayyyy..watch me.

the smoke detector just went off right above my head...(my sister was trying to make fishsticks) and it resulted in a great pot- holder battle between my mother and I.

last night was a big mistake for everyone that was involved. I feel like shit today. whatever. It's all transitory, I know I really really pissed someone off..they just don't know it yet, but I was honest with them and I guess I really shouldn't care about how they respond. It was all in defense of a friend. and truthfully something they need to hear. whatever it probably wont make a difference.

I hope everyone had a nice christmas.

vacation is too short. it was nice, but I still have so much homework to get done..and no motivation to do it. I would rather stare at a wall for 6 months than go back to that ugly fucking building with asshole teachers and asshole students. People just bitch at other people for bitching just like Im bitching about it now and nothing is said that doesnt pertain to college or people bitching about bitching about bitching about drama about people bitching. Whatever. I try not to get too wrapped up into the whole "i hate high school, I might as well just complain the 6 months away rather than suck it up and make the most of it" thing, but I really cant fucking wait. 

I also can't wait for tomorrow night. after last night/today, I need a fresh start more than anything else. 2007 should be a good year. half of it is going to take place in a location id rather not be in, but it's my class year. that means it's so close. there's so many things I cant wait to do. I cant wait to put everythign thats happened behind me. I dont buy into the whole new years thing usually but this year it feels pretty accurate. beginnings. not endings. 

I'd like to say that, although my personality that really doesn't hate anyone has not changed....currently, there are only a few close friends and family that I actually truely care about. It has become more and more apparent. Kaitlynn, Im so sorry about last night and I feel bad about some of the things i said to t. but I just can't stand to see you hurting and last night you did physically and emotionally and I just wanted to make everything better. I hope you read this. 

I'm so sorry for a lot of things that happened this year. But there's nothing left to do but look forward. I'm sorry to those I've hurt this year....to those I haven't talked to enough....to the people I talked to too much..spent too much time on. There's many people that wont read this that I wish could.

goodbye, 2006. whatever that means. it's been a year and I still haven't figured it out.

seems like:
*my mother having a mid-life self-improvement, home-improvement rampage
*being sick sucks
*apparently the fasfa gets more complicated when you apply to more than 6 schools. whatever.
*if you are a celebrity and you can look and act like a cross between david bowie, micheal jackson and a homeless person you're really awesome and deserve a lot of money and respect.

most likely to move to nyc.
yeahokaywhatever.